After my separation in 2009, I came across an article that mentioned this quote “don’t take anything personally. nothings others do is because of you. what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. when you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering” (from Don Miguel Ruis). This made me seriously think about my life and my situation that I was in. I must admit I was a very angry person at that time. I never thought I could hate a person more in my life than my ex, and I knew that if I didn’t change, it would destroy my family including myself over time.
Buddha once said, “holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned”. Buddha was so right with this, self-awareness was and still is like an eye opener…. When you react impetuously to a situation by feeling angry, we wait revengefully, with intent of directing it at another person. This primal way of thinking will always backfire on us and every time we end up with progressively more pain and injury. Remember it is a choice to be angry at someone and ultimately it only hurts ourselves. I couldn’t point fingers anymore. I had to face facts to what I had done and contributed to my marriage and the reasons why it ended, as they do say “it takes two to tango”. It became very clear that I needed to become the change that I wanted to see in this world, as it always starts with you first. However, the problem I now had, where and what do I do to bring change that I needed for myself?
Short time later, I was invited by a friend of mine to attend a free Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) weekend seminar of Tad James Company here in Brisbane. I have to say; my life never looked the same again thereafter. Over the next few years I emerged myself into NLP. NLP in laymen’s terms is what you call the art of changing your own internal language, and how you perceive the world around you. Don’t get me wrong I still haven’t mastered it completely however I am getting better with it each day, after that I started studying human behavior (majoring in psychology). Psychology is another total different ball game and at times I questioned my own insanity why I was doing it… LOL.
During my learning, I became aware that our old behavioral and/or emotional patterns that we have learned in our life time can creep up at any time, depending who and how your old buttons get pushed or what emotional state you are in. Hence why I believe it is so important to continue to grow and learn and have a support system around you that you can lean on when you need it (a big thanks to Trevor and Elena and many other friends), as this support will remind you when you get off track, as they will hold you accountable in a loving however firm way.
Nearly 9 years later, I truly can say that all my learning really saved my life. I am not sure where and how I would be now if I didn’t go down this path. During those years there were many obstacles in front of me. As I had to deal with things I didn’t even knew I had, my up bring as a child, my father issues, the divorce of my parents, my abandonment issues, my divorce, anger, hurt and so many other things…. way too many to list. I clearly remember that I had a 13-hour transformation session where I cried for about 4-5 hours continuously. I just couldn’t stop crying, I was so emotionally drained, but I also felt so alive or charged up, just like Sylvester Stallone in Rock Balboa when he was fighting Apollo Creed or Captain Ivan Drago….he just never gave up (god I loved this movie). However, I do believe that with every bad situation is an opportunity for us to grow. We get what we attract by the way we are now. If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we will see the same situations reoccur repeatedly until we finally change.
One of the things I have learned, that in reality no one really wants to change or admit to what they did was wrong (including myself). However, how can you expect someone else to change if you are not prepared to do the same thing, so it clear that it had to start with me. I had to stop pointing fingers and blaming others because this was just too easy, and it doesn’t show strength and character. It’s a powerful call to take full responsibility for your life, however practice what you preach. Complaining, criticizing or theorizing from a safe distance, just isn’t enough. We need to be responsible for ourselves and our environment and invoke the positive change we desire most. Don’t get me wrong this is one of the hardest things to do.
Overtime I truly learned who Steph was and how she could become a better person. I learned how to be more optimistic, being able to see the good in the bad, how to overcome obstacles (there are no problems in this world, it’s just a perception), how to motivate myself though all the emotional drama when you rather want to stick your head into the sand, how to overcome those emotions, but more important how to identify when you retrieve back into your old habits, the habits I have learned so many years ago. To this day I continue to grow and learn, whilst I don’t go into seminars as often as I once did, however I read a lot and I surround myself with better people. People that are better than me, people that challenge me continuously because this will keep me in line with my purpose in life.
So please reach out to me because I am here if you are prepared to change your life. It’s not going to be easy however I promise it will be worth on the end. In other words, if you know why your life (and/or what you’ve chosen to do in life) is important then you begin to approach even more difficult obstacles with less resistance, overcoming with recognition of the importance of achieving the end goal, as the ends always justify the means.
Love Steph xx